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A Coconut Case (BH:D135)

December 16, 2011


It was a classic case of sound preceding light! 
Non-classical, if you insist on physical accuracy.

A loud metallic clang was heard. A jolt resembling an unplanned oops from Indra or Zeus! Not enough to make us bolt. Sun was only warming up. Amma opened the kitchen window before proceeding with the tea ceremony. And she saw the light! 
A hitherto invisible tubular compact fluorescent lamp was the source. The bulb hung close to the roof of our neighbors at the back. Roof hadn't turned transparent overnight. It now had a gaping hole. During hole-less historical period till this morning, we had never seen that bulb. 
A coconut from the tree in our backyard was the culprit. Light on the metallic clang mystery.

While Achan was washing away, from the car, the signature droppings of the birds that nest on the tree under which Amma parks all day, the oldest lady from the freshly perforated roofed dwelling came to the gate. She had a long horizontal sacred ash streak on her forehead that matched her hair color.
"Saar onnu vannu nokkanam" (Sir, you must come and see)

Achan had no idea what she was talking about. The news of the ungraceful, fallen coconut hadn't traveled from the kitchen to the driveway yet. She explained. Achan pretended not to care much. These folks have been the cause of periodic headaches for him. They keep building new flimsy structures supported on the back wall of our compound. They are very poor and five families are stuck in these makeshift shacks. It usually takes a couple of minutes for this fact to sink in every time there is a coconut triggered argument which we always lose...monetarily. 
The mindless nut flinging tree has run up quite an account in the two decades of its existence.

Before the old lady's lacrimal Mullaperiyar's burst, Achan agreed to pay for the repairs.
"We should cut this coconut tree down once and for all," Amma opined. "It is because we haven't been cutting down fronds and coconuts for six months now," said the more eco-friendly Achan. 

Coincidentally, a good old man was arranged to trim the burdened tree this very morning. If only this loose nut had waited!
The good old arboreal barber engaged in heightened business within in an hour. Owing to lack of human presence at that altitude for a prolonged period, an eagle had nested on the tree. I said an a eagle. I am sure they were a couple. I want to feel less guilt. He disposed off the painstakingly customized avian architectural marvel callously swiftly. Like indigenous monuments before raving marauders, the twigs, fiber and fluffy cottony elements floated down.

The tree-elimination option was presented for his expert approval. "Venda saare, oru net kittum." (No need Sir, there is a net available) he dismissed the option. And went onto explain a technological marvel that, once installed atop the tree, can deflect all nuts big and small into a specified trajectory. He revealed that he can be the installation engineer too during his next visit.

But Omana, Rema Aunty's maid, rained on that plan later in the day. She revealed that the coconut tree doctor was an alcoholic who needs to drink so that his limbs can steadily climb. We might need another net to catch him if we let him attempt the net stunt.

Gopinath is the popular host of Vijay TV's Neeya Naana show in which he comes across as a patient, prudent man. Today, I found that he had posted a note about Mullaperiyar dam on facebook and asked his Tamil brethren to share it so that everyone (i.e. everyone who can read Tamil) knows "the truth" about the dam and the interstate issue. 
I found an English translation by one of his fans. The rest of what I am saying is based on this translation since I cannot read the original. It is a fact that in India references are of no value [any random Indian speech/article]. You can write or say anything and the burden of proof is on the idiot who thinks that facts must be verified. 

Just as I was about to petition for a rewrite of Kerala history books now that Gopi has told us "the truth" about the boundaries of Travancore, he surprised me with his mindreading prowess revealing the hidden agendas of Kerala. Rest of his note borrows from Jayalalitha's full page ad before culminating towards a theory linking electricity production at Idukki with water level at Mullaperiyar. 

In both his note and in Jayalalitha's appeal to people of Kerala, I found an interesting statement along the lines of, "It has been scientifically proven that a certain amount of seepage is required for the health of a dam". I'd be grateful if any knowledgeable folks could elaborate on this because my quick google searches are not helping.

When the educated and informed folks of both states are striving hard to cool things down, media seeks mileage.I understand it is hard especially since going viral is the new fad after the Kolaveri song whose popularity is what Gopinath aspires to [1st sentence of his note]. Kolaveri is a mindless song with a catchy beat that all Indians can enjoy. His note is just a social media version of the loud, sensational, inciting, divisive media nonsense. 
Yet, I am tempted to think the translation is unfair and he didn't write all this. I hope only his mustache is thick!

In an article in today's Manorama newspaper on Indian coinage, among the mention of the Vedic Nishka (exclusively for charity and gambling) and Hiranyapinda coins, an interesting statement about a 6th century BC coin called Sirka. Google search didn't find any other mention of Sirka. If none of you with a numismatic bend would correct me, I am going to assume that this a hilarious copy error, by the article's author, of the Wikipedia page on Indian coins stating that India had coins 'circa' 6th century BC!

In the evening, spoke to a friend, who has recently landed from the US for his sister's wedding. Just as in my case 4 months ago, he has also been busy doing invitations since day one. He shared a wonderful tip which would have been useful when I had undertaken the invitation task. "If you go on rounds during the time when Malayalam TV megaserials like Harichandanam and Autograph are on, you can quickly cover 12-15 houses. When the serials are on TV, people don't bother offering tea or reading through the wedding invitation. Conversation is such a distraction from their favorite show."

Christopher Hitchens is no more. Global genius index falls. The idiot box's megaserial viewership rises!

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